I could imagine Sok Chea, his black hair peppered with dust and his soft big dark eyes rolling wildly as he chased and teased his sister. And he would hug when she cried. And Sok Dana, my smart darling baby girl. She would not stop crying until Sok Chea gave her a candy or did anything she asked him to do to get even.

What could they be doing this moment . . . oh, how I miss them.

Sok Chea must be a handsome young man at 15. Would he still be as mischievous? Does he still make his sister cry? And Sok Dana . . . could she still be the same crying baby now that she is nine. Does she still wear her long hair and thick bangs. She must be lovely. She would certainly charm anyone with her sheepish smile and bedimpled cheeks.

When was the last time I saw my children. When was the last time I carried them both in my arms as their mother would cook or hang clothes. When was the last time I saw them jump with joy when I brought them toys from Thailand.

Thailand. The meer thought of Thailand jolted me and brought me back to my present sufferings.

It’s been more than three years since I was found positive with HIV/AIDS. I was then a worker in Thailand. Away from my family and feeling lonely, I gave in to peer downloadsure and went to a beerhouse one night for curiousity and adventure. One adventure led to another until my health started failing. When rest and medication could not bring me out of my illness, and I felt too weak to work, I returned home for thorough physical examination. It was then that I, for the first time, learned about HIV/AIDS.

Life was never the same again since then. I was out of work. There was nothing much I could get from my small village in Phum Prey Tup and from the neighboring villages in Kampot to provide for my family. I was an outcast. Helpless and miserable, my only hope was to save my wife from the deadly virus. But it was too late.

Lest my children too, would get the dreaded disease, and with nothing to feed them, my wife and I were forced to send our two kids to my sister living in another town. That was the last time we saw them.

Away from my Sok Chea and Sok Dana, I felt empty and . . . more guilty. Everyday I would go out looking for job hoping to get back my children. Then I would remember, my wife and I, both positive with HIV/AIDS. I knew we would never see our children again.

My neighbors who had vague idea about HIV/AIDS, except that it was a dangerous disease kept distance and tried to avoid us, though they provided us with food and other basic help.

Things started to change when the Cambodian Red Cross volunteers Keo Touch and Kong Borei came to visit us last year and gave information about HIV/AIDS.

Two to three times a month Keo and Kong would come to our place with medicines and food. We would sit on the bed under the house, on the stairs or under the tree. They would stay on for an hour or two to talk about HIV/AIDS . Then they would chat with us, eat with us and laugh with us. It did not take long for my wife and I to feel comfortable with them.

The neighbors passing by would join us now and then. They would ask questions about HIV/AIDS and they would look at one another when the volunteers would say that the worst part of having the virus is when positive people were discriminated against. Later, joining us and listening to Red Cross volunteers became a habit to our neighbors.

Today, my wife and I go around Kampot, together with Red Cross volunteers Keo and Kong to spread the truth about AIDS. We always highlight the fact that while people positive with HIV/AIDS virus can get by; it is always best to live without it.